The Lessons I Learned

One year in Tulsa. Many lessons learned.

1. All children in this nation truly do not receive an equal education.
2. I am not meant to work in the inner city (at least at this point in my life).
3. Parenting classes should be required.
4. The education system in America is more broken than the vast majority of citizens know.
5. I continue to need to practice patience.
6. Children are exposed to too much, too soon.
7. Racism is still very much alive (and sometimes in reverse).
8. The welfare system is incredibly and sickeningly taken advantage of.
9. People are crazy.
10. Traffic is stupid.
11. Adults often yell at other adults.
12. Teachers are underestimated, undervalued, and underpaid.
13. People who are not in education think they can fix it.
14. Relationships are really hard.
15. Family is extremely important.
16. I'm not as strong as I thought I was.
17. I have a lot to learn about walking in the Spirit.
18. Kids literally forget all rules the last few weeks of school.
19. We live in a fallen, selfish, prideful, ugly world.
20. I am no exception to the above statement.

The list could go on, but I'll stop there for now. There will surely be more posts regarding some of these or other topics as I seek to process my experiences over the past year. I has been hard, good, bad, enlightening, and all together insane. I don't know where I stand right now, but I'm seeking normalcy.

Silly Kids

I know I seem to complain a lot about my kids, but some days (luckily) they are just funny. Today was chaotic, but I want to share some funny things I heard IN ONE DAY:

1. "Ms. Andree, you didn't brush your hair."
2. "Ms. Andree, your hair looks pretty."
3. "Teacher, Iysis said she's sexy."
4. "Well, that's awkward. What does awkward even mean?"
5. "But teacher, my head really hurts. My pants are too big, I need a belt, can I go get a belt?"

Gotta love em.

Clarity and Confusion

It is interesting.
Isn't it?
When you find out the truth.
That you wish you didn't.
When everything is clear.
But then you are so confused.
And you wish the question remained.
But then you'd be too naive.
So you've figured it out.
And now there's pain.
A sickening feeling.
Yet you find relief.
Because the wondering is gone.
Has it always been obvious?
And you only ignored it?
Or did something change?
And is it your fault?
Or was it meant to be?
And it only took time?
Life could be easy.
But how would you grow?
God has a plan.
That's all that you know.

I Feel

disappointed
taken advantage of
under-appreciated
unwanted
helpless
unnoticed
unloved
out of place
uncomfortable
unimportant
incompetent
incomplete
left behind
hurt
unworthy
angry
irritated
unsure
forgotten
YET
loved
cared for
important
wanted
noticeable
purposeful
unique
special

feelings are a blessing and a curse.

23rd birthday!

I seriously feel so blessed. The day started off with early phone calls from my parents. Christa and Kristin had sweet homemade cards for me as well as a new OSU mug! (Thanks Christa!) The first child I saw when I walked into school was totally one of my favorites (I know, I'm terrible), and she said in the most precious voice, "Good morning! Happy Birthday Ms. Andree!" SO adorable. Throughout the day, there were more phone calls and of course many facebook posts. Several text messages and a heytell message that melted my heart (you know who you are, and thank you :). Of course, I got the usual opera happy birthday song from Mamalu, which after 23 years, is still something I look forward to! And to jump ahead a little, I got to spend Saturday in Oklahoma City with my mom doing some shopping, talking, and getting a fantastic dinner at Cheesecake Factory!

As soon as school was over on Friday, I headed home to get packed up and head to Stillwater for a birthday evening planned by others. I knew that we were doing something for my birthday, but nobody would tell me exactly what. I only knew who would be there- Beth, Tommie Lee, Christa, Kristin, Amy, Dani, and myself. When we got to Stillwater, we went straight to Beth's, where I found out we were having a progressive dinner. The appetizers at Beth's were superb! I opened a gift (a great cardigan/sweater from Beth!) and we ate and talked before heading to Tommie Lee's for the entree. TL had prepared a delicious dinner for all of us, I opened another gift (a beautiful scarf from TL!) and we played a 20 questions game. Everyone had to answer questions about me and it was so hilarious to hear their answers! After dinner, we headed to Zannottis for desert and drinks. Such a fantastic night :)

So, let's get down to it...why am I raving about this evening and even taking the time to write about it? Well, it really is simple. It was the PERFECT party for me. I am a quality time type person. I love small groups of close friends and one-on-one time. My friends know that. I also notice details and delight in the little things in life. Examples: Beth had made little party favor bags for everyone to take. She planned the game and had the papers printed out on purple paper (my favorite). TL had the table set up and decorated so beautifully. There were even little name cards at our seats. The food was Italian (I love Italian food). So thoughtful, so precious. I felt like they planned it with me in mind, and as dumb as it may sound, it really made me feel special. Everyone there was such a delight! To have those women all together for a night- especially to celebrate my birthday- blesses my heart to an extent words cannot convey.

Needless to say, I have the best friends in the world.

To my dear friends, you are all amazing. I am so thankful for each of you and the friendship we share. Thank you for the most meaningful birthday I've ever had; it couldn't have been better. Thank you for loving me. I love you all immensely.

snow day!!

Sooo, it snowed. Not enough for it to really be a big deal, but we got out of school for a day nonetheless. The day was fantastic, and included the following delights:

1) reading a book
2) crafting
3) Chilis for lunch
4) sledding down a hill on a pizza pan
5) pushing Elizabeth's car up a hill
6) taking a running leap into a speeding car
7) playing at a park
8) snow football
9) dinner at Tia's
10) NOT going to work

win. win. win. Thank you weather!!! :)

when all is NOT right with the world

I have really been challenged lately. Like REALLY challenged. I feel like there is so much going on in my life that I have absolutely no control over. So many things happening that I cant change. So many things to learn from. So much opportunity for trust. I know that I don’t need to have control, and really, it isn’t that part that I am struggling with. It is more that my heart is just so overwhelmed by all that is going on around me.

My tendency when life throws me curve balls, is to go straight to friends…to vent, to cry, to ask for prayer. But lately in conversation, it has occurred to me that this is not always the best approach. Yes. I understand that asking for prayer within the body of Christ and being there for one another are great things. But all too often I find myself running straight there instead of straight to the Lord. So I’m trying this thing… where I don’t run to tell someone when something is wrong. As I write today, I realize that none of you knows what I am speaking of. And that is okay for now. I believe that Christ is sufficient. I believe He is more than I need. I believe He can heal me and comfort me more than any human ever could. I believe those things, so now it is time that I live like it. I have to let Him be my everything.

That being said, I don’t want to write what is currently going on. But I can say that I am once again learning to trust. I do want to leave you with the lyrics of a song that is my cry right now…it speaks simple truth that moves me.

Healer by Hillsong…

You hold my every moment
You calm my raging seas
You walk with me through fire
And heal all my disease

I trust in You
I trust in You

I believe You're my Healer
I believe You are all I need
I believe You're my Portion
I believe You're more than enough for me
Jesus You're all I need

Nothing is impossible for You
Nothing is impossible for You
Nothing is impossible for You
You hold my world in Your hands