Thankful, part 2

Since part 1 was about specific people I am thankful for, I want to spend time reflecting on some other things in life that I am particularly taken by. Isn't it the little things that make the day-to-day something more marvelous?

- seasons: Fall is for sure my favorite. Yet when it is almost time for a season to change, I get so excited for the next one and seem to love it just as much as the previous one. I love that God made seasons for us.
- my church: I would not be where I am without my precious church. Love that body. I cherish the time I spend there and hope for it to never end!
- music: what a wonder! I seriously have music on ALL the time. I totally love it.
- my job: even though I complain about it, I really am thankful that I have a job, a chance to make a difference. I pray each day that I change at least 1 child's life.
- ice cream: I love it. It had to be on the list.
- Nala: she always loves me, and I love her back. I just adore my sweet little puppy and the entertainment she provides.
- quality conversations: I totally love talking to people and getting to know them better. Whether it is someone I have known forever or someone new, I love real conversation.
- emotions: a blessing and a curse. And yes, I am thankful for them. :)
- Oklahoma State/Stillwater: someone recently asked me why I chose to attend OSU, and my answer is still, "I don't know, God made me." It is simply where I was supposed to be. I believe that with all that I am. I love it. I always will.
- hugs: I just love that getting a hug from the right person makes you feel so great. I'm thankful for hugs!
-sports: they are entertainment. They are fun to participate in. They are good exercise. Thank God for sports!
-laughter: so good for the soul. that's all.
-relationship: we were made for it. I am thankful that, although relationships can definitely be trying, they can be such a beautiful thing.

God has given us SO MANY little things.

Thank you Lord for caring about us. As if You aren't enough, you give me the little things to delight in. You are so precious. Your love is so evident. Help me to see you every day in those things. You are the creator of all. You are beyond words and I love you.

Thankful, part 1

Well, with Thanksgiving approaching this week, I figured I'd write a "thankful" post or two. There are so many things to be thankful for... God has given me more than I deserve for sure. And even though life is rough in some ways right now, I know that God is working all things out for good. I'll spend this post sharing why I am thankful for specific people in my life (in no particular order :)

- Christa- what would I do if we weren't roommates? I'm thankful that I can come home to someone who will listen, laugh, cry, craft, rant, or eat Chilis with me. You make me funnier, and I love that. Thanks for being you.
- Beth- You have been more than a great friend. I love that we can talk about anything and fear no rejection. You have encouraged me and questioned me in ways that others did not. I love that we help each other grow in our walks with the Lord. I am so thankful for your sweet heart.
- Tommie Lee and JJ- where would I be without my precious Stillwater family? You guys have loved me and supported me. You have taught me more than you know. I love that you guys really show you care when you listen. I love that you make me feel like I matter. I love your children. I love being a part of your family. I am so thankful that you are in my life.
- Mom- I owe you so much. Literally. I am so thankful that we are friends. I love that you still answer the questions that I shouldn't still have to ask. I love that you always call me back. I love that you trust me, and I you. I love that you are right there any time I need you. Thanks for everything you do, I wish I told you more how much I appreciate you.
- Kristin- Where to even begin? For years we have been friends, and I love it. You add that extra little spice to my life that makes me a little less serious. I am so thankful that we can always have candid conversations. Thanks for being who you are in my life.
- Tammy- you are so precious. I love that when we get to see each other, it's as if we were never apart. I love that you never skirt around the truth. I love that your family treats me as their own. You have been such a huge part of my life for so many years and I will always be thankful for your friendship.
-Mamalu- you hold this special place in my heart that will never be replaced. I don't see you much, but when I do, it is undoubtedly always memorable. I love the woman that you are. Thank you for teaching and loving me. I am so thankful for you.

Of course, I am thankful for all the dear ones in my life as I know that the Lord has had our paths cross for a specific purpose. More thankfulness to come.... :)

For the Good

So I absolutely love this song by Shane and Shane. I feel like in many ways, it portrays where I am right now. Waiting, struggling...but praise be to the Lord, for He is working all things out. --- Romans 8:28

When darkness is surrounding me
by Your Spirit, Lord help me sing
that You are working all things out
Lord, I really need to hear you speak
Remind me in the waiting
that You are working all things out


For the good of those
who are called by You
for the good of those
who are in Love with You
That's why we sing


Holy God of light
I lay down my life
Holy is the Lord
Even in the storm be glorified


We like to take the blessing from You
Shall we not take the trouble too
You are working all things out
We like to take prosperity
Shall we not take the suffering
You are working all things out


Holy are you Lord
even in the storm
be glorified
Worthy of affection

Patience

Such a huge struggle. Spiritually and relationally hard.

Over the past week, I've been thinking a lot about patience, for several different reasons. As I was just catching up on some blogs, I came across a friend's post about patience. She had some great things to say, and honestly it was challenging to me. It reinforced some of the things I have been thinking about over the past week and was at the same time comforting to know I'm not the only one. What is it about never wanting to stand alone in a struggle?? I guess it has to do with something JB said in church this morning...how we were meant for relationship. We need each other to go through this life, to teach and learn from each other. Although my struggle differs slightly from this precious friend, some things she mentioned struck cords with me and urged me to go ahead and write. You can go here: http://exceedinglyabundantlyabove.blogspot.com/2010/11/patience.html to read her post. Thanks Beth :)

Oh, where to start on this grand topic? Well, my job. I'll start there. IT IS HARD. I do not plan to spend another entire post boring you with the grungy details of the daily life of a kindergarten teacher in the ghetto. My aim here is reveal my weakness. As this year has progressed, I have expected that these children would get a clue. Of how I expect them to behave. Of how humans behave. But, alas, they have not. My parents came for a quick classroom visit last week and were appalled by the behavior in my school. All of this to say, I have become SO impatient with these kids. There are days when I choose to let it all roll off my shoulders and laugh at them. But most days, I am entirely frustrated. I don't know what to do with this kind of defiance and outright disobedience. I find myself often becoming angry and short-tempered. May I please say- that is absolutely NOT the person or teacher I want to be. Colossians 3:12 resounds in my mind, and I think, "Wow, I'm totally failing at this when it comes to these kids." Paul writes, "So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience." Dear Lord, help me get a hold on just a pinch of this. I want to be understanding and love them. I want to teach them and make a difference, but I don't think I am doing any such thing.

Ok, now for the more personal side of patience that I am trying to figure out in this current season. I find myself often thinking that things that I want should be happening quicker in my life. In our culture, we see immediate gratification all over the place. Nobody waits for anything anymore. You want it, you get it. I see that being true materially as well as in relationships. Where I struggle is in thinking that if I were just in (--insert particular place--) or if God would just grant me (--insert particular desire--) then things would be so much better. But really, who am I to play the "if" game with God? I should be waiting on Him to bring about those things in HIS perfect timing, not mine. Why am I being so impatient with the things I want in this life? Is not the whole purpose of this life to honor the Lord and bring glory to His name? When did I become so self-consumed?

Wow. God is really doing something in this heart of mine. To love Him more and desire His fame more than my own wants. How do I let go of the things I want, WAIT on Him to bring about the things I actually need, and serve faithfully all the while? How do I let go without complaining? Without clinging? Without fear? Well, it's faith. I have to grab hold of the truths of God's promises. I have to.

HE WILL BE NO DISAPPOINTMENT. That I am convinced of.

Expectations

I feel like a huge theme of my life for the past little while has been expectations. In moving to Tulsa, and in going back to Stillwater often as I do, I realized pretty quickly that my expectations of other people needed some adjustment. This is definitely something I have grappled with before...trying to figure out how to just let things be and go with the flow...not take things personally and just truly cherish time that I get to spend with people. It has been a learning curve for sure, and honestly, something the Lord has grown me in tremendously. There are some relationships that God has blessed and have grown, and I am so thankful that is the case! Yet, I find that in some ways, I am still learning and today I realized new aspects about expectations that I hadn't pieced together before.

This morning at church, as we were finishing up the study on 2 Timothy, we read in chapter 4, verses 16 and 17, "At my first defense no one supported me, but all deserted me; may it not be counted against them. But the Lord stood with me and strengthened me, so that through me the proclamation might be fully accomplished, and that all the Gentiles might hear; and I was rescued out of the lion's mouth." Paul is speaking of how when he was proclaiming the Gospel, others were not backing him up as they should have, yet he forgave them, knowing that humans fail, God forgives (as should we), and that God was there.

JB talked about how as humans, we will absolutely fail. Others will fail us and will fail them. Expectations are all too often set and not met. And in my knowing this and learning to grow through it, one part that I have missed is embracing that the Lord IS the only constant one...it's not just me there all alone. God is there standing with me, making me stronger all the while. Not that I have been deserted as Paul speaks of, but been failed or disappointed by someone? Definitely. Disappointed others? Absolutely. It is inevitable. Likely if you are reading this, I have disappointed you or you have me. It really is the way we work. But I think that I am in this place now where I am learning to not have crazy expectations, yet even when they are realistic, to not be upset when I'm let down. Cling to the Lord. Ultimately His purpose will be accomplished, just as it was in Paul's day.

Another piece I thought about as the day went on and as I visited with a friend, was the thought that I also have expectations of God. Like in my mind, I am trying to figure out the way something should work out and expecting God to have things play out the way I dream it up. Putting that in writing sounds like total craziness, and really, it is. I am not in charge of this place we call earth. For crying out loud, I am really not even in charge of my own life. God is. Who am I to expect that God would have things go MY way. This is something that I totally didn't even recognize in myself until today, as I was thinking on specific situation that I clearly have my own opinion on. Praise the Lord for revealing this shortcoming in my thoughts, so that once again I can see that He really is in control and my trust for the present and future has to be solely in Him.

So that's it for now. Learning more every day. Loving Him more every day.