Patience

Such a huge struggle. Spiritually and relationally hard.

Over the past week, I've been thinking a lot about patience, for several different reasons. As I was just catching up on some blogs, I came across a friend's post about patience. She had some great things to say, and honestly it was challenging to me. It reinforced some of the things I have been thinking about over the past week and was at the same time comforting to know I'm not the only one. What is it about never wanting to stand alone in a struggle?? I guess it has to do with something JB said in church this morning...how we were meant for relationship. We need each other to go through this life, to teach and learn from each other. Although my struggle differs slightly from this precious friend, some things she mentioned struck cords with me and urged me to go ahead and write. You can go here: http://exceedinglyabundantlyabove.blogspot.com/2010/11/patience.html to read her post. Thanks Beth :)

Oh, where to start on this grand topic? Well, my job. I'll start there. IT IS HARD. I do not plan to spend another entire post boring you with the grungy details of the daily life of a kindergarten teacher in the ghetto. My aim here is reveal my weakness. As this year has progressed, I have expected that these children would get a clue. Of how I expect them to behave. Of how humans behave. But, alas, they have not. My parents came for a quick classroom visit last week and were appalled by the behavior in my school. All of this to say, I have become SO impatient with these kids. There are days when I choose to let it all roll off my shoulders and laugh at them. But most days, I am entirely frustrated. I don't know what to do with this kind of defiance and outright disobedience. I find myself often becoming angry and short-tempered. May I please say- that is absolutely NOT the person or teacher I want to be. Colossians 3:12 resounds in my mind, and I think, "Wow, I'm totally failing at this when it comes to these kids." Paul writes, "So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience." Dear Lord, help me get a hold on just a pinch of this. I want to be understanding and love them. I want to teach them and make a difference, but I don't think I am doing any such thing.

Ok, now for the more personal side of patience that I am trying to figure out in this current season. I find myself often thinking that things that I want should be happening quicker in my life. In our culture, we see immediate gratification all over the place. Nobody waits for anything anymore. You want it, you get it. I see that being true materially as well as in relationships. Where I struggle is in thinking that if I were just in (--insert particular place--) or if God would just grant me (--insert particular desire--) then things would be so much better. But really, who am I to play the "if" game with God? I should be waiting on Him to bring about those things in HIS perfect timing, not mine. Why am I being so impatient with the things I want in this life? Is not the whole purpose of this life to honor the Lord and bring glory to His name? When did I become so self-consumed?

Wow. God is really doing something in this heart of mine. To love Him more and desire His fame more than my own wants. How do I let go of the things I want, WAIT on Him to bring about the things I actually need, and serve faithfully all the while? How do I let go without complaining? Without clinging? Without fear? Well, it's faith. I have to grab hold of the truths of God's promises. I have to.

HE WILL BE NO DISAPPOINTMENT. That I am convinced of.