Prayer

So I've been thinking a lot lately about prayer. Sometimes it really is all we have. And it's about trust. I feel like I am constantly learning how to trust the Lord in my personal life with specific situations that arise. But I'm seeing now that prayer is also about learning to trust God with others.

I am the type of person who loves largely by doing things for others. I love getting to serve and help out. When someone I love has a lot on their plate, I want to make life a little easier. It is something that I say not to pat myself of the back, but because it is something that I have struggled with lately. In moving to Tulsa, I have had to realize that I am not always going to be around those people that I am used to helping. Now, there is always service. There is always an opportunity to show the love of Christ to those around us. I am talking more about love in personal relationships. I am a fixer in many ways. When people dear to me are going through struggles, I always want to fix them, and I usually end up just helping in any way that I can. I delight in doing it. However, now, that is something that in many circumstances, I just cannot do.

Writing about it seems almost silly, but I think that the Lord is really showing me that although my heart desires to be with people that I love and be able to help, that sometimes I really can't be the fixer. I need to realize that God is bigger than me or the little things that I can do to temporarily help others. Yes, it is a way that I love, and I still think it's ok, but I also know that I can't do it all. I have to trust God to take care of loved ones. They are His children. And from the distance, all I really can do is pray. That He would work in their lives. That He would reveal Himself to them. That He would protect them. So I'm clinging to it. Praying... because it really is all I can do.

Pray.
Constantly.
Relentlessly.

2010: the year in review

• Nala turned 1 year old
• I turned 22
• Student taught in 1^st grade in Morrison
• spent spring break with some of my faves
• Met a precious new friend, Beth
• took fun senior pics
• Loved every second of Crossover events
• finished JB’s 2:2 study
• Graduated from college
• Went to the lake a couple times
• went to some fun weddings
• Spent 5 weeks in Phoenix, AZ for training

• Moved to Tulsa, OK with Christa
• Started my first teaching job
• Went to the Tulsa State Fair
• Took a lot of trips to Stillwater
• Threw an amazing party for TL’s 40th
• Watched some great Cowboy football- go pokes!
• Ran the relay in the Route 66 marathon
• Took a road trip to Vici, OK
• Finished my first semester of teaching kindergarten
• Sang again in the Countryside Christmas Musical
• Went skiing with the Lester’s in Breckenridge, CO
• Spent Christmas in WF with the family

It has really been a whirlwind of a year. So much happened. But, if I were to sum it up, I would have to say that most of all, it was a year of growth. I grew tremendously in my walk with the Lord through studies at Countryside and because of personal trials that came along. I had to "grow up" and become an adult with this whole graduating and getting a job thing. A couple relationships grew and changed in ways that still amaze and bless me to this day. So maybe that is what life is all about. Changing and growing and learning. I totally love it. I can look back on this year and know that I am not where I was. I am not who I was. God has some kind of greater purpose. I am so thankful that He loves me too much to let me remain the same, even for a year. Even when that means change, or pain. Praise You, Lord, for growth. You amaze me.

Ski trip 2010: epic success

This year we went to Breckenridge, and it was absolutely wonderful! There was a very different group from last year…very few of us. But, I totally loved it just as much! Following are reasons:

1. I I love skiing.

2 I I love Colorado.

3. I I love road trips.

4. I I dearly love the people I went with.

Sounds like a winner to me. After a long semester of transition, this trip was much needed, and although I was so tired after it, I was also rejuvenated. I don’t think I would really ever want to live in the mountains, just because to me it is such a vacation thing. I love that when I go to that part of the country, I can just sit and marvel at the beauty. I enjoy being able to fall in love with it and with our Lord every time. I am repeatedly amazed at how beautiful God made the mountains. I am also encouraged by how beautiful He made people, inside and out. Although we are all fallen people, God really made every person amazing in some way. For that reason, I cherish quality time and getting to see those glimpses of His character in my relationships with others.

Here are some pics to recap:

Tommie Lee and I have skied together the last two years and have a great time together!

Halle is such a precious blessing in my life! I am SO proud of her and Jevyn for dominating on their snowboards this year!!

Just a glimpse of the beauty that surrounded us!

JJ and I :)

One semester down

Well, I have finished teaching my first semester of kindergarten, and I have so many thoughts and feelings about it that I struggle to decide where to begin. It has been a whirlwind for sure. The last day of school before Christmas break was a long anticipated day, yet when it finally came and went, I literally drove away from my school with an uneasy feeling. Much thought to follow in the hour in the car I had ahead of me. I headed toward Stillwater where I would spend the evening with good friends and then get in a van to head to Colorado to go skiing. That is where I find myself today, sitting in a lovely condo in the mountains in beautiful Breckenridge, CO. I sit in front of the fire with tired legs after a day full of skiing, taking in the greatness of all that our God has created and loving watching how people are enjoying it. Whether they know it or not, they are a part of something huge...we all are. And in that, I see so much.

Am I making a difference in lives of my students? Do they know how much I love them? Have I taught them enough? Will they be ready for 1st grade in only a few more months? As I left school on Friday for our two week break, I felt uneasy. I have all these questions running through my mind. And honestly, I think I know the answer to the questions. We did what we needed to do. No, it was absolutely not perfect, but they learned, and I surely did. We made progress, but I think that I just felt funny about it because it was just not everything that I had ever hoped and dreamed. I am definitely relieved that one semester is done. There will certainly never be another like it. And in short, I'd say I am pleased.

Some lessons learned: be strict from day one, be consistent, have explicit expectations, procedures procedures procedures, plan plan plan, differentiate, movement, small groups.

So there it is. One semester down. Tired. Needing rest. Reflective. And in it all, I think about how God is working things out. He has this huge plan that is so much grander than anything I can think of. It's a truth that I must cling to. When the days are hard, I know I have to hold to the promise that God is always with me, working it out for good. There is purpose. My life is His. Whether I love where I am or not, I have to live as a servant of the Almighty King. And what better time of year than now to remember about living a life of surrender to the One who became flesh that He might save us. God found Mary faithful and used her to bring about the most amazing plan of all. May He also find me faithful, and find me fit to use even more to further His love in this world.

Let us all surrender our lives to the One who knows best, the One who will make something out of what we see as nothing, the One who turns hardship into victory, and the One who created the majestic mountains to let us see Him. Praise You, Lord, for You alone are worthy.

Pray, Wait, Trust

Well, it's been a while since I last wrote. Here is a quick update of my life:
- went to Wichita Falls and spent some time with loved ones
- went to Bedlam, the Cowboys lost :(
- still loving going to Countryside
- got cursed out by a student's parent
- said parent threatened to sue me for child neglect
- preparing for the Countryside Christmas musical!
- went to a precious Ladies Christmas Brunch
- took roadtrip to Vici, OK
- played racquetball for the first time in long time!
- hurt my back :(
- gearing up for the ski trip to Breckenridge!
- only 8 days of school left!!!

In the midst of it all, there have been some really hard days at school as well as in my personal life. I feel as though the Lord is really trying to teach me to wait and trust Him. There are things that I absolutely do not understand...things I wish were different...or easier. I find myself desiring things that aren't happening as quickly as I hoped, or maybe not at all. I don't understand why a lot happens just the way it does. I find myself questioning...looking for purpose in the current struggle. And you know, a verse that I think is often easily overlooked as cliche comes to mind with resounding clarity...Proverbs 3:5 says "Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding."

So I am to trust, even when I don't understand why life happens the way it does. Not worrying, but trusting that God has a purpose. There is some reason. As we enter the Christmas season, I can't help but think about how confused Mary must have been at becoming pregnant as a virgin. How desperately she wanted answers...how she may have wanted her circumstance to be different. Yet she had to trust the Lord, not relying on what she understood of the situation. In the same way, I have to wait on the Lord's plan and trust. I have to live like I know that He is working all things out to accomplish His ultimate purpose.

Lord, during this season, may we really learn to trust You and You alone. Even though we may not understand the way life goes, let us live relying on the fact that You are Lord over all. May Christmas remind us that you have a plan that is beyond us. As we pray, teach us to wait on your answer, no matter what it may be. God, You are bigger and stronger than any of our struggles. Make Yourself known. Amen.

Thankful, part 2

Since part 1 was about specific people I am thankful for, I want to spend time reflecting on some other things in life that I am particularly taken by. Isn't it the little things that make the day-to-day something more marvelous?

- seasons: Fall is for sure my favorite. Yet when it is almost time for a season to change, I get so excited for the next one and seem to love it just as much as the previous one. I love that God made seasons for us.
- my church: I would not be where I am without my precious church. Love that body. I cherish the time I spend there and hope for it to never end!
- music: what a wonder! I seriously have music on ALL the time. I totally love it.
- my job: even though I complain about it, I really am thankful that I have a job, a chance to make a difference. I pray each day that I change at least 1 child's life.
- ice cream: I love it. It had to be on the list.
- Nala: she always loves me, and I love her back. I just adore my sweet little puppy and the entertainment she provides.
- quality conversations: I totally love talking to people and getting to know them better. Whether it is someone I have known forever or someone new, I love real conversation.
- emotions: a blessing and a curse. And yes, I am thankful for them. :)
- Oklahoma State/Stillwater: someone recently asked me why I chose to attend OSU, and my answer is still, "I don't know, God made me." It is simply where I was supposed to be. I believe that with all that I am. I love it. I always will.
- hugs: I just love that getting a hug from the right person makes you feel so great. I'm thankful for hugs!
-sports: they are entertainment. They are fun to participate in. They are good exercise. Thank God for sports!
-laughter: so good for the soul. that's all.
-relationship: we were made for it. I am thankful that, although relationships can definitely be trying, they can be such a beautiful thing.

God has given us SO MANY little things.

Thank you Lord for caring about us. As if You aren't enough, you give me the little things to delight in. You are so precious. Your love is so evident. Help me to see you every day in those things. You are the creator of all. You are beyond words and I love you.

Thankful, part 1

Well, with Thanksgiving approaching this week, I figured I'd write a "thankful" post or two. There are so many things to be thankful for... God has given me more than I deserve for sure. And even though life is rough in some ways right now, I know that God is working all things out for good. I'll spend this post sharing why I am thankful for specific people in my life (in no particular order :)

- Christa- what would I do if we weren't roommates? I'm thankful that I can come home to someone who will listen, laugh, cry, craft, rant, or eat Chilis with me. You make me funnier, and I love that. Thanks for being you.
- Beth- You have been more than a great friend. I love that we can talk about anything and fear no rejection. You have encouraged me and questioned me in ways that others did not. I love that we help each other grow in our walks with the Lord. I am so thankful for your sweet heart.
- Tommie Lee and JJ- where would I be without my precious Stillwater family? You guys have loved me and supported me. You have taught me more than you know. I love that you guys really show you care when you listen. I love that you make me feel like I matter. I love your children. I love being a part of your family. I am so thankful that you are in my life.
- Mom- I owe you so much. Literally. I am so thankful that we are friends. I love that you still answer the questions that I shouldn't still have to ask. I love that you always call me back. I love that you trust me, and I you. I love that you are right there any time I need you. Thanks for everything you do, I wish I told you more how much I appreciate you.
- Kristin- Where to even begin? For years we have been friends, and I love it. You add that extra little spice to my life that makes me a little less serious. I am so thankful that we can always have candid conversations. Thanks for being who you are in my life.
- Tammy- you are so precious. I love that when we get to see each other, it's as if we were never apart. I love that you never skirt around the truth. I love that your family treats me as their own. You have been such a huge part of my life for so many years and I will always be thankful for your friendship.
-Mamalu- you hold this special place in my heart that will never be replaced. I don't see you much, but when I do, it is undoubtedly always memorable. I love the woman that you are. Thank you for teaching and loving me. I am so thankful for you.

Of course, I am thankful for all the dear ones in my life as I know that the Lord has had our paths cross for a specific purpose. More thankfulness to come.... :)