Weekend of my life!

So this weekend was THE BEST! It was fall break, which means a 5 day weekend!! I went to Stillwater to celebrate America's Greatest Homecoming Celebration as well as Tommie Lee's birthday! We have been planning this surprise party for Tommie Lee's 40th for a couple months and it was SO FUN!! On top of that, I got to spend 5 days in a place I love with many people I love!

Highlights of the weekend:
- popping into Crossover on Wednesday night
- having lunch with the Lesters and then with Beth on Thursday
- shopping with Christa, Kristin and Dani
- lazy movie night at the house
- lunch with friends from the college ministry Friday
- party planning final touches on Friday
- dancing the night away at TOMMIE LEE's surprise party!!!!
- visiting with TL Saturday morning
- going to the football game with friends!
- seeing Heather at the game!
- watching the 2nd half with the Lesters
- COUNTRYSIDE Sunday morning
- walking Boomer with Beth
- early morning walk with Kristin

Oh, the Lord is so good to me. This weekend absolutely exceeded my expectations in every way. I loved so many things. I feel blessed to have wonderful people in my life whom I love deeply. Seeing them and spending time brings a smile to my face like nothing else. Thank you Lord for the blessing that relationship can be.


Beth and I at the party!


the beautiful birthday girl and I!!


friends at the game!

Poopyhead

Yes, that's right.

This week has been one full of...well, you fill in the blank. Let me break it down.

1. student poops in my floor- smashes it into the carpet.
2. said student gets called "poopyhead." I try not to laugh.
3. 3 days of prep for observations.
4. 2 observations in 1 day.
5. student pretends to speak in spanish. Gibberish. I laugh.
6. I lose the election for secretary of PTA.
7. student A teaches student B to give others the middle finger.
8. student B's mother = angry. Rightfully so.
9. no sub = extra students in my class.
10. 5 year old's cursing. and fighting.

In the words of my dear friend Christa, "Can I quit yet?"

Need I say more?

Ok, now you ticked me off.

So last week, I'm hanging out in my classroom after school when someone comes in. To keep from being rude and naming the individual, I will use the name Debbie (as in Debbie Downer). After school I usually spend a few minutes cleaning up and preparing a few things for the next day. On this particularly fantastic afternoon, Debbie came in to ask me a question. As I sat at my desk and visited with her, I noticed as she glanced around my room checking it out. I thought about it and continued working on my computer. Then Debbie says as she looks at my goals poster, "You expect them to know 60 sight words by the end of November?"
Me: Yep!
Debbie (in a doubtful and condescending voice):Uh, you know that's a lot, right?
Me: Yeah, they can do it.
Debbie: You may need to lower that. I'm just saying that last year my kids that were reading didn't know that many sight words.
Me: Okay, but I think they can do it. I'm not going to change it.
*but I'm really thinking: probably because you didn't teach them the words!!!!!

Don't tell me that my kids cannot learn those words. YES THEY CAN!! I knew it would happen sooner or later...somebody doubting my kids, making me mad, and inspiring me to work harder to ensure that they meet the goals I set. They can learn 60 words by the end of November because I will teach them 60 words. We will practice, practice, practice.

There is something about being told I can't do something that just makes me want to do it. I don't know- maybe that is defiance, competitive, or something else. Regardless, whether it is good or not, it is how I feel. I am going to make this happen. Just watch me Debbie Downer... or should I say Debbie Doubter. :)

I know, I should be better about blogging more often. I suppose I feel like I just keep complaining about teaching, so for this post, I will attempt to focus on some positive things happening in my life.

As far as teaching goes, it is still rough. Each day, I continue to wonder how people do this for 20+ years. BUT, we are making progress. I cut out nap time. I totally used to think that kindergartners needed nap time regardless- that I would always make it a part of my day. However, after they absolutely would not sleep and all it became was frustrating me and the kids, I just dropped it. We now have more time to get through academic material. Each day we have: a math lesson, a reading lesson, 4 centers, and 4 small groups ( in addition to the usual breakfast, calendar time, songs, bathroom breaks, lunch, specials, snack). So, for those of you non-teachers, that really is a lot and I am pretty pleased.

As far as personal life, do I have one? Just kidding, although this is so different from college, I am figuring it out. This last weekend, I went to Wichita Falls to see family. It was so great! I really needed to go and just rest. To be somewhere and have nothing matter but being with people and catching up. It did my heart a lot of good to say the least.

Although I feel like I am very much in a desert season of my life, God is still faithful and I know that there is purpose. I will continue to learn and grow, regardless of where this path leads.

This past weekend was so relaxing. I spent my time with friends doing absolutely nothing productive. And it was fabulous. I got several great books from dear people that I cannot wait to jump into. Much needed.

Then, Monday morning. Reality check.

It was just one of those days when all I could think was, "I just don't want to do this. Too much pressure. Too draining." I felt utterly helpless and as if this is just not what I was meant to do. Don't get me wrong, I know that the Lord has a plan and a reason for this season, but right now, I'm not willing to even pretend that I kind of like it. I don't. This is so much harder than I ever dreamed.

I am completely overwhelmed with all of the expectations for what I should be teaching and accomplishing with these children. I don't feel like there is enough time in the day to get through everything, especially with how much time is wasted by trying to get them to behave appropriately. Today we started a new management system, which I am hoping will help.

Anyway, I don't have any great, inspiring words to leave tonight. I'm just overwhelmed. And sick of this.

Week 4 of teaching recap

It has been a while. My apologies. As far as teaching goes, we have completed four weeks. I am sad to say that we have not learned nearly as much as I had dreamed and planned for. But, I can tell you that I am surviving, and all 33 of my students are still alive. Some days this week, I wasn't sure how they all made it out without injuries. I am still at a point where I don't know what to do or say to get them to behave or listen to me. I have tried being nice. I have tried being mean. All to no avail. I am told, "Well, they don't know your expectations. Be explicit." Ok, I will do that (as if I'm not already). I don't know another way to say "Keep your hands and feet to yourself. Do not touch anyone. Fold your eagle wings. Put your hands in your lap. Etc..." Somehow, in those little 5 year old minds, that all translates to poking, pushing, pulling, slapping, hitting, shoving, tackling, choking, tripping, and kicking. REALLY?! It really is mind boggling to me. Enough venting.

On a brighter note, this past week really was great. Monday was awful. Tuesday, better. Wednesday, one of the best we have had. Thursday, took a couple steps backwards. Friday, another step forward. I mean, 2 good days in one week = spectacular!! The new kindergarten teacher FINALLY arrived on Friday (not her fault), and she worked in her room all day. She will finish preparing on Monday and take students on Tuesday this coming week. I swear when I saw her in the hallway Friday morning, she was like a beam of light. Totally kidding, but seriously. With fewer students in my class, I am really looking forward to getting some structures into place that will truly allow significant learning to happen. They can do it, and they need to in the most desperate way.

For now, please pray that fewer students in the room really does improve the management and class culture in such a way that we can start learning the things we need to learn to meet our semester goals. As wild as these children are, they really are precious. The more I get to know each of them as an individual, I love them more. They have such big stories, big personalities, and huge potential. I will leave you with a story that warmed my heart, yet gave my chills as I left school for the weekend. (We will call this student ID to protect his identity)



After singing our Friday song, ID: I did a good job today, huh, teacher?
Me: Yes, ID, you did much better today!
ID: Tomorrow I will earn orange. ** orange is the best color a child can get on my behavior plan. And yes, that is on purpose- go pokes :)
Me: Well, ID, we won't be at school tomorrow.... (I proceed to explain that on Saturday and Sunday, we stay at home). On Monday, we will all come back to school.
ID: I don't like to go home. I love school. Can we just stay at school?

My thoughts: He loves school. By the grace of God, I have done something right. He wants to be here. But even more, WHY doesn't he want to go home? Beating. Little food.

I'm begging you: PRAY.

Why am I a teacher?

So today was absolutely awful at school. I now have 31 children in my class with 2 special education children coming in 90 minutes a day. These children seriously do not listen to a word I say. I say sit down and they choose to run around the room. I tell them to turn their voices off and they start screaming. AM I SPEAKING ANOTHER LANGUAGE!?! I just do not get it. They are absolutely wild. We are in the middle of week 3 and we still cannot walk down the hall quietly. I have honestly tried everything I know. Any management tactics I have learned or used in the past do not work with these children. They are so defiant. So disrespectful. It is unbelievable. If another teacher walks in the room and tells them what to do, they just do it. Doesn't matter that I have been saying the same thing for 10 minutes. I mean really, I have no clue what to do with them.

Supposedly we are getting another kindergarten teacher, but we are waiting on the paperwork to go through with the district before she can start. My principal says hopefully by next week that will be in place. Then I would only have 20 kids plus the two extra. I think that will help. It better. Because at this point, I am questioning so many things. Why did I choose teaching? This is not what I had in mind. I would seriously give anything to be teaching in a school where the children are better behaved and actually care. I mean really, I don't want to be one of those people that wakes up every day and dreads going to work. I want to love what I do, and in the past, I have totally loved teaching. But right now, I'm not getting to teach. All I am doing is trying to get them to listen to me for 5 seconds and not kill each other.

Lord, please give me patience with these children as they learn how to behave. Give me the words to speak to them so that they understand what to do and why. Be with each child, calming their spirits that are assuredly shaken by the things they must endure in this life. Let my classroom be a safe haven in their lives. I ask that the new teacher arrives soon, and not only for my sanity but also for the sake of learning being able to finally happen. Help me wake up each morning with a fresh attitude, ready to start a new day-- knowing it can be better than the previous one. Help me to love those kids more than myself, whatever that may look like. --Amen.