Change

So I graduated. And I moved to Tulsa. Goodbye to the college life and hello real world. Goodbye Stillwater- the town that found a special place in my heart and became home. I wasn’t ready to go, but I have to remind myself that the Lord knows best. I have been in Tulsa now for about a week, and it honestly took a couple of days to actually sink in that I really did move…that this really is happening. At this point I truly don’t know what Tulsa and this season holds for me. Well, I know it holds a first year of teaching kindergartners which promises to be challenging. It holds new experiences, new schedules, new people, a new church, and probably a lot more “new-ness.” At this point, I am also not in love with Tulsa. I like it, yes, I already knew that. But love it? Not quite. Yet I must remember that I didn’t immediately love Stillwater either. Right now, this is change. Uncertainty. Discomfort.

Comfort. Now that’s a topic. A few months ago, a good friend said to me, “Caitlin, you are way too young to be comfortable.” She is so right. There is so much more change and life ahead. I have this tendency to get stuck… to people, places, ideas, desires. And while I know that this is not a great or healthy thing, my flesh is so weak and falls into this time and time again. I get comfortable with something and don’t want to change it at all. Anyway, if I search for roots of this, I think it goes back to the desire I have to be settled. Honestly, I want to be in a place and know that its home… that it is where I will be…that I won’t always be waiting for the next however many years to finish so I can up and move again. I don’t know…Tulsa could be that place, but it might not be.

Here is the bottom line, I think that in all of these feelings, I think I need to learn to be so comfortable with who I am in Christ that my physical location is less important. So, that is comfort in who I am, not where I am or who I am with. Isn’t that the point after all? To find security in Christ and not anything else? Lord, grant me that I may be “ok” regardless of circumstance. Let me deeply know that Your plan is to use me where I am, not where I want to be.

So, this is only the start of a new season. As it begins, there are concerns and things to look forward to. My hope is that I will give myself over completely to the Lord. That my fears or imperfections wouldn't hinder the good things that are to come. Do with me what you will, God.